


Bittersweet Memories

by xTarmanderx



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Heavy Angst, M/M, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 08:24:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17240837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xTarmanderx/pseuds/xTarmanderx
Summary: Liam hates New Year’s Eve. A last minute change of plans forces him to spend the evening with Theo.





	Bittersweet Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This fic got away from me and got sad.

New Year’s Eve is Liam’s least favorite holiday. If he’s being honest, it’s because he’s terrified of what the new year will bring. He’s afraid of the future problems he will encounter, the fights he’s sure to have with his best friend, and not knowing who will still be in his life at the end of the year. It makes his anxiety skyrocket just thinking about it. So when Scott and the older members of the pack suggest a party at Lydia’s house to celebrate and ring in the new year together, Liam is the first to decline. He doesn’t want the pack catching onto the scent of his anxiety. He doesn’t need Scott pouting at him or Stiles scrutinizing his every move and questioning him relentlessly. Mason, true best friend that he is, declines as well. He tells Liam they can bring in the new year playing video games and ignoring the rest of the world. Liam is looking forward to it. A night with his best friend where he doesn’t have to hide and worry about what his chemosignals are saying about his current state of mind. Mason knows and completely understands his fear. He gets it in a way that no one else does. Jenna tries, bless her, but she always comes off as patronizing when what Liam needs is a hug and motherly love. He knows it’s not intentional. David, at least, will leave the topic alone. But as New Year’s Eve rolls around, Liam gets the worst news yet.

“What do you mean, you can’t come?” Liam whines softly, staring down in dismay at his phone. Mason sighs softly and Liam takes the phone off speaker, cradling it to his ear. He doesn’t want Theo eavesdropping on him. The chimera has been living with him for the past three months and has been a model house guest, but Liam is still mindful of what he says and does. He knows Theo wouldn’t intentionally be listening in, supernatural senses are a bitch half the time.

“Liam, I am so sorry. If I’d known about this, you know I would have told you.” Mason says sincerely. Liam knows he’s telling the truth. He can’t really be mad at his best friend. Mason’s parents have decided to go to the mountains for the holiday and have invited Corey and his family so it can be a nice vacation for all. Liam won’t begrudge him of this even though his heart feels like shattering in pieces all over the floor. Okay, perhaps he’s being a _bit_ dramatic. But hanging out with Mason over the holiday and ignoring it has been a time honored tradition for the last decade.

“I can’t do this without you,” Liam whispers as tears gather in his eyes. He feels like falling apart and he feels like an absolute fool for it. Mason is the only one who _gets_ it. Jenna is the only other person, but she doesn’t see it in the same light. Past experience has taught him that.

“Sure you can. Just...go to bed early to take your mind off of it. Or ask Theo to go out and do something like practice lacrosse or run in the preserve. Do whatever it takes.” Mason suggests. Liam squeezes his eyes shut and nods weakly, exhaling shakily. “Liam-“ Mason starts, worry creeping into his tone.

“Gotta go. Love you, have fun on your trip.” Liam quickly hangs up, taking a shuddering breath.

He turns his phone off before Mason can call him back, knowing he’s taking the cowardly way out. He shoves off of his bed and goes straight for his closet, hardly caring what he grabs as he blindly pulls out a shirt and hoodie. He ditches his sweatpants and tank top in the growing pile of laundry he needs to do, ripping open a drawer and grabbing a pair of jeans. He doesn’t care if anything matches, he needs to be dressed so he can escape the suffocation. He grabs his ear buds from his nightstand and his phone, crossing the room quickly to grab his lacrosse bag. He isn’t sure that it will help, but he needs something to kill the time until the sun goes down. He secures the strap over his shoulder and heads into the hallway, stumbling straight into Theo’s chest.

“Easy, little wolf.” Theo steadies a hand on his shoulder and tries to get him to look up. “You okay?”

“Fine,” Liam gasps out. He pushes past the chimera without thought, making it to the bottom of the stairwell before Theo catches up and grabs his bag. He whirls around, eyes blazing yellow as he draws in short, desperate gasps for air. “Let go!”

Theo studies him intently for a moment, making his skin crawl with shame. He hasn’t had an outburst like this on the chimera since he’d moved in. He’s pretty sure it’s because Theo is his anchor, but he’s never really tested that theory. “Where am I driving you?” Theo asks, slowly loosening his hold on the strap. The questions throws Liam for a loop, dumbfounding him. What does he mean?

“I...” Liam swallows hard, trying to find the words.

“Lacrosse field it is.” Theo says, fully releasing him. “Throw your bag in the back of the truck. Just let me get my keys and I’ll be right there.” He turns on his heel, not waiting for Liam to agree before heading back up the stairs.

Liam heads outside and breathes deeply, hoping to shake off the cloud of Theo’s concerned scent. He’s confused when all it does it draw more of the chimera’s natural scent into his lungs and he looks down, softening a little as he realises he’s wearing one of Theo’s hoodies he’d stolen not long after the chimera had moved in. He hadn’t been able to help himself. His own nightmares had started back full force not long after Theo had moved on. Rather than waking the whole house with his panic, he’d opted to find the safest choice. It had led him to Theo’s laundry and he’d pulled out a worn maroon hoodie, soft looking and carrying just a few holes. He’d tucked it under his pillow and slept better for weeks, never saying a word to anyone. He’d traded it out with Theo’s laundry a few times after that but had never said anything. If the chimera noticed, he too never said a word.

Theo joins him shortly after he’s tossed his bag into the back. Liam’s has the time to rub his eyes clear of tears and collect himself as best as he can. No words are needed as they climb into the truck, Liam reaching for the radio the moment it turns on. Theo doesn’t protest as quiet music fills the space between them. He eases the truck from the driveway and starts toward the high school. By the time they reach the parking lot, Liam’s feeling a little more settled. He attributes it without question to Theo, knowing it’s the calming effect his anchor has on him. He mutters a thanks and jumps from the cab of the truck, reaching back and grabbing his bag. Theo doesn’t follow him and he pauses, raising an eyebrow. “You’re going to stay here?”

“I’ll be there soon, Liam.” Theo gently drums his fingers against the steering wheel. “Go on and show that goal post who is in charge.” He chuckled softly, offering a sincere smile that makes Liam’s stomach flip. He nods and shuts the door, making his way across the parking lot. He can hear Theo tapping away on his phone, so he pulls out his ear buds and jams them in as he heads for the pitch. Practicing in jeans isn’t his best idea, but he doesn’t have another choice. He loads the first ball into his cradle and launches it, grimacing as it bounces off the goal post.

He’s got a lot of work to do.

He loses himself in the game, practicing trick shots and areas he knows he needs improvement. Being a werewolf helps, but his interactions with Brett in the past had proven to him that he still needed to work on some things. The thought of the werewolf makes his chest clench and he grits his teeth, slinging another ball into the net. Just another person he’s lost in the last year. Lori, Brett, Gabe, Aaron...the names of his classmates and friends start running together in an endless blur in his head. He can’t stem the flow of tears as he pictures each person. He couldn’t save them.

He launches ball after ball until there’s nothing left to throw, his entire body shaking as grief tries to consume him. He draws in a ragged breath and drops his stick, collapsing to his knees. He’s not even aware of the shadow falling over him as he screams, the agonized sound transforming into a mournful howl that vibrates off the bleachers nearby. He’s blanketed by the smell of his anchor and he instinctively presses into it, face burrowed against Theo’s chest as he breaks down in sobs. Apologies spill brokenly from his lips and it hurts to breathe and remember, but he has to let go.

“I’m sorry.” Liam whispers when he finally pulls back, immediately greeted by a chilly breeze. He wants to burrow back down into Theo’s warm eyes, but he’s embarrassed himself enough for one night. “I can’t save anyone. They’re all dead because I failed them.” He whispers, giving no other words. Theo will understand him.

“You saved me.” Theo replies quietly, shifting his hand and cupping his cheek. He trembles from the warmth and the chimera draws back, slowly getting to his feet and helping Liam up. “Where do you want to go next?” He asks, using his foot to pull up the lacrosse stick. Liam grabs his bag and they head back to the truck, the beta leaning heavily into his friend’s side.

“Do you still have your fake ID?” Liam murmurs, voice low and rough from all the crying he’s done. He lifts himself into the truck and Theo nods, closing the door before walking around to his side. “Good. I want to get drunk.”

“You’re immune to it,” Theo reminds as he starts the truck and glances over at him.

“I can suppress my healing for a bit. It’ll get the job done.” Liam shrugs one shoulder. Theo eyes him intently before he finally nods, easing his truck into motion. “Then will you take me to the cemetery? I need to pay some respects.”

“Whatever you want.” Theo says softly. The drive is silent as they head to the convenience store.

Half an hour later, they’re pulling into the cemetery. Liam directs Theo to park as far from the entrance as he can, making sure the truck is hidden from sight of the main road. He doesn’t want them getting arrested or thought to be grave robbers. He grabs the brown paper bag of Burnett’s and hops out of the vehicle, shuddering against the cool night air. He lifts the bag to his lips and takes a swig, grimacing from the taste. Theo watches him with concern, following him as he begins to meander through the graveyard. His first stop is Gabe’s grave.

“Sorry I couldn’t protect you from her.” Liam says as he brushes his fingers over the top of his tombstone. “I’m sorry your mom had to bury her only child. Nolan misses you so much. He was hospitalized for a bit after you died, but he loved you so much. I’m looking after him for you.” He whispers to the wind.

As expected, there’s no answer.

“You should know that Nolan got kicked out.” Liam says as he takes a step away. “I should have led with that. I’m not very good at this. But he’s okay. Scott’s friend Isaac came to town right after everything happened. Nolan is staying with him in one of Derek’s lofts. He’s safe.” He promises before walking away.

Brett and Lori’s graves are next, enclosed by a small gate in a family plot. He’d only heard passing stories of their parents but he thinks he would have liked them. “Hey guys. Sorry it’s taken so long.” He murmurs as he sets a hand on each tombstone. “I miss you. Both of you. Even though you were a shitty friend to me for a while.” He directs at Brett’s grave. “But we’d moved past that. We were friendly again and...I’m just going to miss you. You deserved better.” He whispers. He stays silent for a few minutes, lost in his memories of the two of them, until a biting chill makes him take another long sip of his alcohol. It burns down his throat, bringing a little warmth to him.

Liam made his way slowly through the rest of the graveyard, stopping every now and then to murmur his apologies to every former classmate that had died in the war with the hunters and the bloodbath the Anuk-Ite had left behind. Theo follows, silent as a shadow, and Liam takes comfort in the fact that the chimera is never far. It isn’t until Liam finishes drinking and clutches the bottle to his chest that Theo realizes he’s crying. “Liam?” He asks, taking a step closer. He walks slowly around the tombstone in front of the beta, his eyes falling on the name. One that he knows all too well.

_Dunbar._

Theo drops his gaze to the dates, pursing his lips when he realizes it’s ten years to the day. It makes sense after his phone call with Mason. He’d been worried after Liam had stumbled along to the lacrosse field and called the human, speaking lowly to him as he’d tried to piece it all together. Mason hadn’t given him much, he’d just said that the holiday was the worst for Liam and that he needed someone to distract him. Theo hadn’t really understood until now.

He wordlessly steps forward and takes Liam into his arms, burying his face against his hair as the beta started crying earnestly into his shoulder. He hugs him tight, unable to voice his thoughts. He doesn’t know how to comfort Liam, doesn’t know what the right thing to say could possibly be in this situation. All he knows is that Liam is hurting and he will do whatever it takes to help take that pain away. Eventually Liam pulls back, sniffling and wiping at his eyes as he looks back at the tombstone. “I miss him,” he whispers so lowly that even Theo’s enhanced hearing has a hard time catching the words. “This was his favorite holiday. He...he traveled a lot for work, but he was coming home to surprise me. He wanted to bring in the new year with me. A drunk driver killed him when he was a few miles from the house. He was so close. He didn’t die on impact. He...he had the paramedics call and I...” Liam’s entire body quivers and his breath hitches. “I should be happy, right? I got to say goodbye. Most people don’t get to do that.”

“It doesn’t mean you can’t miss him.” Theo says softly. “You lost someone you loved. This is why you were upset earlier. Mason helps you through it, doesn’t he?” He already knows the answer.

“He can’t know about this. He’ll be so mad at himself and it’s not his fault. He just distracts me. I hate this time of year. It gives me anxiety.” Liam admits softly. “How can I look forward to a new year? It just reminds me that I’m going to lose more people through the year. I’m going to lose friends and family and god knows what else will go wrong.”

“And what about the good?” Theo asks, tipping his head down slightly to hold Liam’s gaze so he knows he’s listening. “The new friends you’ll meet. The foods you’ll get to try and enjoy. The places you’ll go for the first time. Birthdays, weddings, and welcoming babies into the world? There’s so much more good to look forward to, Liam. You could fall in love.” He adds softly. Liam’s breath stutters out and Theo gives him a crooked smile, shrugging slightly. “Better late than never?”

“Something like that.” Liam laughs weakly, a half smile appearing. Theo will take it. “It’s just...it’s hard to think about all of those things today. Everyone is making resolutions and promises and we don’t know if we’re going to get to keep them.”

“I think it’s exciting not knowing the possibilities.” Theo says, taking them both by surprise. “Liam. I can’t make you hate the holiday any less. I can’t promise to make it enjoyable or take your panic away. But I want to help you enjoy tonight, even just for a moment. I want you to look forward to things and-“

“Just kiss me,” Liam whispers before crushing their lips together. As fireworks go off a few minutes later and the new year chimes in, they are too lost in their own world to notice. This doesn’t take away any of the pain that Liam’s feeling, but it does help ease some of his panic. It’s enough for him to be just a little hopeful that maybe, just maybe, this next year won’t be quite so melancholy after all.


End file.
